I have been thinking about when I first came back to church. Every little thing and at every turn I was thanking God for his many blessings or "casting my cares upon him". Somewhere over the past two years, I seem to have lost some of that closeness and intimacy. Where did it go? I have been asking myself this question a lot lately. Certain circumstances recently have started me thinking along those forgotten intimacies of my renewed relationsip with God. I am finding that I have been discontented with my current spiritual walk as well as my relationships. I have been saying to myself....There has to be something more, something deeper than what I am feeling or doing. I want my life to have meaning...purpose...reasoning behind my motives and desires. Where did that go? How did I loose that along the way? Most importantly, How do I get it back? or at least incorporate it into my life now, if I didn't before.
Yea, I have a semblence of a prayer life and I read my Bible everyday, but where is the depth of my walk with God like I have always desired? When will I get there? or at least feel like I have gained some ground?
So my question of "Are you stronger now then you were back then?" comes to mind. When I first came back to church, and my faith seemed unshakable....was I just a seed that fell on shallow ground springing up almost immediately only to die away quickly? or did one of those delicate little roots take hold of something that was stronger than I.....something that has strengthened me over the past two years into a Godly and righteous woman. The example I have always wanted to be, as Sister Wilson is.....am I finally becoming that person? Is this really the time that God promised would come to pass? If it is....I know there are many more battles to fight, but I know that the little root that found strength in the soil of God and his word, is never letting go no matter what storms may come.
Prayer changes things.....
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
New Babies All Around!!
Everyone seems to be having babies!! I have a new niece as of November 27, 2008 at 12:04AM (EST). There are at least 3 or more new babies in The Rock Church alone.I was at the hospital for the latest one to be born this morning!!
I don't have many pictures, but that is because I was asleep on the waiting room floor majority of the time. =) The Emary clan and a few of Mariah's family members were there, and majority of us stayed until 4:00AM until we could see Mariah and baby Jasmine Capri Emary!!! She was born at 3:17AM as an 8lb 13oz, 21 inch bundle of joy!!! The Emary clan, Seth Lewis and I didn't leave until almost 5 o'clock. So I didn't get home until 5:30 this morning. Needless to say, I didn't go to school, I didn't wake up until 11:03AM. =)
I don't have many pictures, but that is because I was asleep on the waiting room floor majority of the time. =) The Emary clan and a few of Mariah's family members were there, and majority of us stayed until 4:00AM until we could see Mariah and baby Jasmine Capri Emary!!! She was born at 3:17AM as an 8lb 13oz, 21 inch bundle of joy!!! The Emary clan, Seth Lewis and I didn't leave until almost 5 o'clock. So I didn't get home until 5:30 this morning. Needless to say, I didn't go to school, I didn't wake up until 11:03AM. =)
Monday, December 1, 2008
To Best Friends and Loved Ones
I have been feeling a little melancholy lately. When I was younger the Holidays were a time to look forward to. We would all gather at my Grandma's house in Hollister, CA and have a fantastic time of being with family. Now, 9 years after her passing, it seems like it has all fallen apart, but then again it hasn't. My family may not be all in one place geographically, but we are in our hearts. My family is always one phone call away. For those of you who have gone on before me, I miss you so very much and I can't wait to get to Heaven to see your faces and hug you. That will be the most joyous day. This past Thanksgiving Holiday, I had the wonderful opportunity of spending time with my best friend in the whole wide world =) and his family. It was definitely an experience. I was woken up on Thanksgiving morning by a HUGE dog climbing on the bed and stuffed myself silly for the rest of the day. We all played video games and got loud with each other for not playing the game right. =) So, for those of you who don't know who my best friend is ...Presenting Andrew! Here is a crazy video of us being weird one night...actually him being weird, I couldn't bring myself to act a fool on camera, Sorry! =)~ (Although I do look like an idiot) So this Holiday season, I am thankful for my best friend, his family, my family and my friends, that I have in my life. I wouldn't have been able to get this far without all of you! Love ya'll bunches! (or as Margi {my landlord} would say) Lots O' Love
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Just Breathe
Can you say whirlwind? It has been a crazy last few months. My goodness, I haven't posted in 2 1/2 months! I'm a terrible blogger. =)~
Let's see, in the past two months, I have started school, joined choir, become heavily involved in bus ministry, established new friendships =), gone deeper in my walk with God, worked on my current relationships with my friends and family, and so much more! OK, so that doesn't seem like a lot when it is written down, but OH if you could read between the lines or walk with me everyday, you would understand how AWESOME God is and how much he has been working on me.
For example, these past two weeks have been a trial and a half, and it's just the beginning. My overwhelming desire, especially since I came back to church (almost) 2 years ago, has been to become like Sis. Wilson. I often pray that the annointing and spirit of Nanny come upon me so that God can use me greatly in his kingdom. Especially in the past two weeks, well almost 3 weeks now, have I been praying that. And OOOH BOY! have I ever been tested to strengthen my walk with God so I can become. God has been dealing with me to embrace my "Leah" so that I can receive the blessing of "Rachel". For those of you who didn't hear Bro. Cody Marks' message on Tuesday, PLEASE get the CD, it will be well worth it. It really spoke to my heart.
Every experience I have had and will ever have is to the glory of My Savior and the furtherment (if that is even a word) of his kingdom in my life and those around me.
As I mentioned, lately I have been struggling with embracing my past experiences, and in a recent conversation with my best friend, I had to grab myself by the collar and say that if I hadn't gone through those situations, I wouldn't be the woman I am today and I wouldn't be able to help others through similiar situations or just be there for moral support.
When I am down and needing a sounding board my Dad and best friend and there for me. Thank you! I you two SO MUCH!!
Yesterday, I talking to a classmate of mine, Roma, about how a lot of people won't be friends with rich kids because they feel that a rich kid has no real life experiences. ~Rich kids have everything spoon-fed and handed to them on a silver platter, how can I relate with them if I have had to work for every little piece of happiness or fulfillment in my life.~ Have you ever heard or thought this? The same thing can be felt by those of us, as children of God, who have either left church and came back or who haven't been raised in church (about those of us that have been raised in church). I am thankful for the experiences in and out of church I have had, because they make me stronger in the Lord as well as in my own self.
For example, my sister's have been in church all their lives and have never left, on the other hand I left and came back. Who is to say that they are better than me or I am better than them? Don't you understand that we are all equal in God's eyes? Our experiences shape us to become who God wants us to be, so that he can use us in many different ways. My sister's can relate to young people from our generation that have been raised in church and are struggling with their walk with God more that I can, but then again I can relate with those young people who have left church and come back and are struggling with the things of this world that are trying to drag them back out of church.
What it all boils down to, is (PAY ATTENTION) keep your walk with God strong. If you start to feel like you are slipping, go to your family member (biological or spiritual) and ask for help. The Bible says to "Confess our sins, one to another...". This doesn't mean go gossip about your problems, or vent for an indeterminate amount of time...this means to go to someone you trust with you spiritual problems and ask them to pray with you and for you, and to help you stay on track and to be accountable for your actions as a representation of God, and in my case The Rock Church.
OK, So I feel like I am Dr. Laura right now =). That is not what I am intending. I hope that someone out there is encouraged to become more than who you are right now. There is always upward mobility in God's kingdom. "Read your Bible, Pray everyday and you'll grow, grow, grow!"
I love all of you so much! I don't know what I would do without my family, biological and spiritual.
All I can say to anyone who is struggling right now is, Just Breathe! Take a deep breath, say a prayer (START YOUR DAY WITH PRAYER AND BIBLE READING), and walk in God's AWESOME love!
Let's see, in the past two months, I have started school, joined choir, become heavily involved in bus ministry, established new friendships =), gone deeper in my walk with God, worked on my current relationships with my friends and family, and so much more! OK, so that doesn't seem like a lot when it is written down, but OH if you could read between the lines or walk with me everyday, you would understand how AWESOME God is and how much he has been working on me.
For example, these past two weeks have been a trial and a half, and it's just the beginning. My overwhelming desire, especially since I came back to church (almost) 2 years ago, has been to become like Sis. Wilson. I often pray that the annointing and spirit of Nanny come upon me so that God can use me greatly in his kingdom. Especially in the past two weeks, well almost 3 weeks now, have I been praying that. And OOOH BOY! have I ever been tested to strengthen my walk with God so I can become. God has been dealing with me to embrace my "Leah" so that I can receive the blessing of "Rachel". For those of you who didn't hear Bro. Cody Marks' message on Tuesday, PLEASE get the CD, it will be well worth it. It really spoke to my heart.
Every experience I have had and will ever have is to the glory of My Savior and the furtherment (if that is even a word) of his kingdom in my life and those around me.
As I mentioned, lately I have been struggling with embracing my past experiences, and in a recent conversation with my best friend, I had to grab myself by the collar and say that if I hadn't gone through those situations, I wouldn't be the woman I am today and I wouldn't be able to help others through similiar situations or just be there for moral support.
When I am down and needing a sounding board my Dad and best friend and there for me. Thank you! I you two SO MUCH!!
Yesterday, I talking to a classmate of mine, Roma, about how a lot of people won't be friends with rich kids because they feel that a rich kid has no real life experiences. ~Rich kids have everything spoon-fed and handed to them on a silver platter, how can I relate with them if I have had to work for every little piece of happiness or fulfillment in my life.~ Have you ever heard or thought this? The same thing can be felt by those of us, as children of God, who have either left church and came back or who haven't been raised in church (about those of us that have been raised in church). I am thankful for the experiences in and out of church I have had, because they make me stronger in the Lord as well as in my own self.
For example, my sister's have been in church all their lives and have never left, on the other hand I left and came back. Who is to say that they are better than me or I am better than them? Don't you understand that we are all equal in God's eyes? Our experiences shape us to become who God wants us to be, so that he can use us in many different ways. My sister's can relate to young people from our generation that have been raised in church and are struggling with their walk with God more that I can, but then again I can relate with those young people who have left church and come back and are struggling with the things of this world that are trying to drag them back out of church.
What it all boils down to, is (PAY ATTENTION) keep your walk with God strong. If you start to feel like you are slipping, go to your family member (biological or spiritual) and ask for help. The Bible says to "Confess our sins, one to another...". This doesn't mean go gossip about your problems, or vent for an indeterminate amount of time...this means to go to someone you trust with you spiritual problems and ask them to pray with you and for you, and to help you stay on track and to be accountable for your actions as a representation of God, and in my case The Rock Church.
OK, So I feel like I am Dr. Laura right now =). That is not what I am intending. I hope that someone out there is encouraged to become more than who you are right now. There is always upward mobility in God's kingdom. "Read your Bible, Pray everyday and you'll grow, grow, grow!"
I love all of you so much! I don't know what I would do without my family, biological and spiritual.
All I can say to anyone who is struggling right now is, Just Breathe! Take a deep breath, say a prayer (START YOUR DAY WITH PRAYER AND BIBLE READING), and walk in God's AWESOME love!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Oh School, Why Are You So.....
I finally started school the last week of August. Woo Hoo!!
I am so excited! It has been a crazy ride to get here but it is so cool to be able to say that I am a full time student. (dorky, I know)
For the past week I have been at the Sac State Campus every day (except today) "manning" the booth. WHOAH is it hot out there! I officially have tanlines! (on my feet from my fli flops, my forearms from my sleeves and a ring around my neck from my shirt) lol Needless to say I look a little weird. =)
It has been a crazy time trying to keep up with everyone's changing schedule. I am so blessed to have a schedule that allows me to be there a lot for the booth. It's fun, aside from being sticky and hot =), to meet new people. I have made friends with a lot of the people from the Sig Ep (short for something greek) fraternity and their sorority counter part (I can't remember the name). I can't wait until I go to CSUS, I am going to have a blast!
_______
I want to say Thank You to all the people that have been there for me when I needed support or just someone to talk to in the past (almost) 2 years since I came back to church. (Wow, it really has been that long) I have come quite a long way from who I used to be and am still growing. It's amazing what God is doing in my life daily.
I am so excited! It has been a crazy ride to get here but it is so cool to be able to say that I am a full time student. (dorky, I know)
For the past week I have been at the Sac State Campus every day (except today) "manning" the booth. WHOAH is it hot out there! I officially have tanlines! (on my feet from my fli flops, my forearms from my sleeves and a ring around my neck from my shirt) lol Needless to say I look a little weird. =)
It has been a crazy time trying to keep up with everyone's changing schedule. I am so blessed to have a schedule that allows me to be there a lot for the booth. It's fun, aside from being sticky and hot =), to meet new people. I have made friends with a lot of the people from the Sig Ep (short for something greek) fraternity and their sorority counter part (I can't remember the name). I can't wait until I go to CSUS, I am going to have a blast!
_______
I want to say Thank You to all the people that have been there for me when I needed support or just someone to talk to in the past (almost) 2 years since I came back to church. (Wow, it really has been that long) I have come quite a long way from who I used to be and am still growing. It's amazing what God is doing in my life daily.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Tituba of Salem Village
I just finished reading "Tituba of Salem Village". (Great Book) It depicts the hysteria around the Salem witch trials from an "accused" point of view. It really made me think about how much dishonesty is in our world. A very good friend of mine just came through the trial of her life in which she was accused of doing something that she didn't do (& never would have thought of doing). She was cleared of all charges!!! Thank God for his blessings. On Wednesday I am going to be having my State hearing in which I have to dispute allegations against my character & behavior in a previous job. It amazes me how easily people accuse others of things that didn't happen or distort a situation that did happen into something bad. I am so thankful that I have God on my side. I'm not exactly sure what to expect when I get there, but I know that God has his hand on the situation & whatever the outcome, it is what God allows to happen.
I have been reading (& listening to) some great books lately. "Dark Light", "Honeymoon", & "Beach Road" by James Patterson. "The Spider King", "A Horse Called September", & "Tituba of Salem Village". All in the past month! Can you tell I have been bored? lol
Well, I hope everyone has had a great week & weekend. I had a fun time today at out reach!! (hint hint) For all of you who missed it. Next week is prayer at 9:30 and Outreach at 10:00. Hope to see everyone there!!
I have been reading (& listening to) some great books lately. "Dark Light", "Honeymoon", & "Beach Road" by James Patterson. "The Spider King", "A Horse Called September", & "Tituba of Salem Village". All in the past month! Can you tell I have been bored? lol
Well, I hope everyone has had a great week & weekend. I had a fun time today at out reach!! (hint hint) For all of you who missed it. Next week is prayer at 9:30 and Outreach at 10:00. Hope to see everyone there!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Restless
Lately I have been quite restless. I am anxious for the school year to start, but more so I am anxious for my State Hearing to take place on the 23rd. I now have a lady, whom I worked with, who is willing to speak on my behalf. She has already spoken with my Union Representative, Janet Crean (Crane), and I am meeting with her tomorrow for lunch so we can go over the information that she is willing to refute, if she is called upon. I am so excited! It has been a real rollacoaster of thoughts, emotions, and dreams. Sheesh! The dreams I have been having! Some are so crazy I wake up thinking I am in that reality. (Very weird feeling)
As of late I have been establishing a lot of change in my life. Such as the way that I present myself, what I am eating (it is hard to change one's diet quickly), exercising regularly, getting up early and being productive in my daily habits, reading my Bible every morning & night, and so much more. My thought process has been a special focus of mine. I have been so intent on changing it, I have been prone to recurrent headaches upon waking in the morning. This morning especially. It was so bad this morning that I elected to stay in bed and do nothing. It probably made it worse, but that's what I did. =)
For those of you who happen to read this, and are privileged enough to be going to the 1st Annual P.E.A.K. Youth Conference in Tulsa, OK. Are you excited or what!?!?!? I can't wait until we get there! I feel like I have been waiting for this since I came back to the church, even though I didn't know it was going to be happen until this year.
Speaking of the past few years, so much has happened. On January 5th, 2007, I moved out from living with my ex-boyfriend to living on my own (and since then I have moved 4 times, YUCK), and started my new life in the revelation of who God truly is to me. I have never had revelations like what God has given me in the past 18 1/2 months. Since the beginning of the year, it seems as if God speaks to me daily in tha still small voice of his. (Isn't it weird how sometimes thoughts that resound in your own voice seem somehow divine?) Even in the smallest things like what people say, or (for instance) today I was reading "The Spider King" which is the story of Louis XI of France. In the story it relates how he suffered from seizures. A rare symptom that occured after a two of the (recorded) seizures was a feeling of pure bliss and an attitude of complete positiveness. Nothing could go wrong and no one could perturb him out of this blissfulness until the "spell" had passed. (I wrote all that to say this) At a time when he was almost at war with the Duke of Burgundy, he went to meet with the Duke & parley (negotiate) terms of a treaty to bypass war. His blissful attitude completely confused the Duke & his advisers. The result of his positive attitude confusing the Duke saved his life from the mistake of entering the castle ungaurded.
I guess what I am trying to say is that having a good attitude seems to effect the outcome of any negative situation in a positive way. I have been learing that quite soundly as of late. =) Even if the result seems like it foils human plans of success, I have come to rely on the fact that whatever happens, it is because God allowed it to. The result is all apart of God's divine plan to teach me a lesson. =) In each lesson that I learn, I become more inept to deal with each increasingly difficult situation that comes my way. By the time I am in my retirement years I will be writing books on the lessons I've learned. =)
Yipes! It's almost 1 o'clock!! Gotta catch some ZZZ's! Hope you enjoyed my ramblings!
As of late I have been establishing a lot of change in my life. Such as the way that I present myself, what I am eating (it is hard to change one's diet quickly), exercising regularly, getting up early and being productive in my daily habits, reading my Bible every morning & night, and so much more. My thought process has been a special focus of mine. I have been so intent on changing it, I have been prone to recurrent headaches upon waking in the morning. This morning especially. It was so bad this morning that I elected to stay in bed and do nothing. It probably made it worse, but that's what I did. =)
For those of you who happen to read this, and are privileged enough to be going to the 1st Annual P.E.A.K. Youth Conference in Tulsa, OK. Are you excited or what!?!?!? I can't wait until we get there! I feel like I have been waiting for this since I came back to the church, even though I didn't know it was going to be happen until this year.
Speaking of the past few years, so much has happened. On January 5th, 2007, I moved out from living with my ex-boyfriend to living on my own (and since then I have moved 4 times, YUCK), and started my new life in the revelation of who God truly is to me. I have never had revelations like what God has given me in the past 18 1/2 months. Since the beginning of the year, it seems as if God speaks to me daily in tha still small voice of his. (Isn't it weird how sometimes thoughts that resound in your own voice seem somehow divine?) Even in the smallest things like what people say, or (for instance) today I was reading "The Spider King" which is the story of Louis XI of France. In the story it relates how he suffered from seizures. A rare symptom that occured after a two of the (recorded) seizures was a feeling of pure bliss and an attitude of complete positiveness. Nothing could go wrong and no one could perturb him out of this blissfulness until the "spell" had passed. (I wrote all that to say this) At a time when he was almost at war with the Duke of Burgundy, he went to meet with the Duke & parley (negotiate) terms of a treaty to bypass war. His blissful attitude completely confused the Duke & his advisers. The result of his positive attitude confusing the Duke saved his life from the mistake of entering the castle ungaurded.
I guess what I am trying to say is that having a good attitude seems to effect the outcome of any negative situation in a positive way. I have been learing that quite soundly as of late. =) Even if the result seems like it foils human plans of success, I have come to rely on the fact that whatever happens, it is because God allowed it to. The result is all apart of God's divine plan to teach me a lesson. =) In each lesson that I learn, I become more inept to deal with each increasingly difficult situation that comes my way. By the time I am in my retirement years I will be writing books on the lessons I've learned. =)
Yipes! It's almost 1 o'clock!! Gotta catch some ZZZ's! Hope you enjoyed my ramblings!
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